youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
