does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
