I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
