My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
