My first STD was from a foam party
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
MIDGETS
????
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
