Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
