Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
