how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
