Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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