After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i drank out of a bidet.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
