it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
