If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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