he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This couple is walking their pig around campus
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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