I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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