I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
