oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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