Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
