I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
