I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
