just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
