I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
