My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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