hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
