Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize