I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
