I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
