When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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