"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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