Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
