I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
