Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
