my mouth tastes like poor choices
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
