Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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