my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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