I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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