Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
