What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
