someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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