You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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