I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
