Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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