And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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