This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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