I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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