Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
