You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
