Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
