I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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