Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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