If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
