I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
