He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
