I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
